I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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