I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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