I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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