Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize