Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
