If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
