man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
