Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
