so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
