She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
