There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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