i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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