At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
