I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
