Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Randomize
