So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
