oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
