if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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