Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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