Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize