the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
