You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
