Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
