I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
