She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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