The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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