also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
