I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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