you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This baby is an asshole
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
did i just pee glitter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
