'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
