I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Send help, water and tortillas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
