Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
