Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
