I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
