I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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