On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
