Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
