how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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