Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
