I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
