Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
