Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
