this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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