Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
