I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize