And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm getting married
To pizza
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
