i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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