so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
