I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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