i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
