I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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