I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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