I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize