i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
