i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
