here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
