Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
