and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
