what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
