I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
