I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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