So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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