Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
