Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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