i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize