I feel like abortions should bother me more
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
