I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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