The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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