have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
