My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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