hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
