you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
