we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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