Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
false alarm, still single
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
