I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize