mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
