Plan B is the new Plan A
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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