I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
