Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
